A Special Brand Of Stupid
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Tony is coughing up rose petals. Of course, he can't even do love the easy way.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. **

**Challenges listed at the bottom. **

**Word Count** \- 1778

_For Sam, for GGE. I love you. _

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**A Special Brand Of Stupid **

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He started to exhibit symptoms on a Tuesday.

He'd never particularly liked Tuesdays. As much as he hated to admit it, he agreed with Strange that nothing good ever happened on a Tuesday.

"JARVIS, run a diagnosis."

There was a pause, and then JARVIS replied hesitantly, "Sir? There's only one disease that—"

"I know, honey, I know. Just… run a diagnosis anyway."

Another pause, and then his AI confirmed in a soft voice, "I'm sorry, Sir. You appear to be suffering the effects of the Hanahaki disease."

Tony nodded and looked down at the petals on his hand.

Well, fuck.

…

Tony hid it, because that was what Tony did. It was nobody else's business anyway.

He was great at hiding things, obviously. He did it all the time. Nobody needed to know that his pining was slowly killing him.

Everything would be fine, and the team would never know. Tony would handle it.

It didn't work, and only three weeks after coughing up the first petals, Natasha and Pepper cornered him in the workshop.

Because of course they did.

"There's no way I'm getting out of this one, is there?" He asked wryly, as they each wound a hand through his arms and walked towards the elevator.

Pepper smirked at him, and Natasha simply raised an eyebrow at him.

…

"Who is it?"

"Who is what?" Tony asked, hiding behind his menu.

"Don't play dumb, Tony," Pepper sighed.

"I'll have you know that I'm a genius," he replied, peeking over the top of the menu. He was pleased when she gave in and huffed a laugh. "You know that neither of you need to worry—"

"It is so important that you do not finish that sentence," Pepper interrupted, holding her hand up to stop him speaking any more. "I worry about you on a daily basis. Telling me not to, is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"Okay, but—"

"Who is it?" Natasha asked again, tapping his ankle lightly with her foot.

"Doesn't matter," Tony insisted. "It's unrequited and it's _fine. _I'll deal with it, okay?"

"You're going to have it removed then?"

Tony hesitated. He didn't want to lie to Pepper, in fact, he tried to never lie to Pepper because she invariably found out about it and then his life was in danger from a very angry red-head.

"Of course you're not," Pepper sighed, shaking her head. "Tony… I won't lose you to a _goddamn rosevine_."

"I'm going to speak to a doctor next week," Tony admitted, reaching out to pat her hand. "The problem, of course, is the reactor. I don't know how it's been affected by the vines, but it could cause difficulties."

"Who is it?" Natasha asked for a third time.

Tony closed his eyes and then opened them to look at her. "You _know _who it is. Christ, the whole _world _knows who it is. He just… doesn't feel things like that. It's fine, Nat."

Natasha stared at him for a long moment, and then sighed and looked at Pepper. "Why are men so bloody clueless?"

Tony didn't really know what to say to that, and he didn't care much for the look on Pepper's face, so he promptly hid himself back behind the menu.

…

"You could have gotten yourself killed!" Steve shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. "You can't freeze in a fight, Tony!"

"I didn't freeze," Tony snapped.

"Then what happened?" Steve asked, a little calmer as he glanced over Tony, clearly looking for any sign of what had happened during the battle. "Because I'm used to you being reckless, Tony, but… that was something else."

"I choked," Tony muttered, knowing that he had to tell the Captain the truth. "I choked on some goddamn rose petals, and I couldn't get out the instructions for J to take over the suit in time."

"Rose—Tony? You have Hanahaki?"

"Yes."

"Are you, I mean," Steve shuffled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Tony snorted. "Don't hurt yourself, Cap. Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing. What happened out there won't happen again, I promise."

"I… you know I'm going to have to bench you for this, Tony. I can't… you could get hurt, if you can't control the—"

Tony glared at him for a long moment and then threw his hands up in the air. "Fine," he shouted, turning away. "Fine! I hope you have fun when the next big bad comes and you're forcing me to sit it out when I'm FINE!"

Steve called him back but Tony ignored him, anger and hurt and concern all warring in his chest. He had to get this fixed, he couldn't leave the team out there to fight without him.

He needed to keep them safe. Otherwise… what was even the point?

…

"Rumours say you're coughing up flower petals for our resident—"

"Barton, hush your gums before I beat you," Tony muttered without turning around. "I'm not in the mood today."

Clint perched on the desk in front of him, his hands resting either side of his thigh. His purple jumper was loud and inappropriate, and Tony felt his lips tilt up slightly.

"I thought you might need a fresh perspective on it," Clint offered, shrugging.

Tony looked up at him and arched his eyebrows. "Thrill me."

Clint snorted. "Well, and I know that this seems like a radical idea, but you could just tell him how you feel."

Tony blinked. "How in the hell is that supposed to help? He already knows how I feel."

It was Clint's turn to be surprised. "What? You already told him?"

"No, of course I didn't, but I mean… everyone knows. I haven't exactly kept the crush a secret, have I?"

"Bit more than a crush if the coughing and the choking and the flower petals are anything to go by."

Tony waved him off. "Semantics. Anyway, he knows and he's being polite enough to not be a dick about it. I couldn't really ask for more, you know?"

Clint stared at him for a long moment and then shook his head. "I can't fight against this brand of stupid."

…

Tony was, perhaps, a little inebriated.

Okay, so he was totally smashed.

It had been a bad day, and honestly, he thought he'd earned the bottle of whisky he was currently making his way through. For all that the team were clearly trying to be supportive, it wasn't helping.

Hell, nothing but a surgery that he still wasn't sure he even wanted would help.

And that wasn't even taking into consideration that he might not be able to have the surgery thanks to the reactor.

He tug another swig from the bottle and let his head loll back against the sofa. He was sitting on the floor with his back to the leg, slumping over to the side. Part of him knew that this wasn't going to end well, and he'd certainly regret it when he woke up in the morning with his face pressed into the hard floor, but he couldn't really bring himself to care.

"Tony?"

Tony blinked and turned his head, wondering if the voice was a hallucination. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Pepper called," Bruce replied softly. "Said it was time to come home. That you needed me."

Tony really shouldn't find him so… so bewitching. His clothes were rumpled, his hair a mess, but Bruce had never looked better.

"You didn't have to come back, Brucie. There's nothing you can do about this."

Bruce lowered himself to the floor beside Tony, carefully tugging the bottle away from him.

"You should have called me, you know? As soon as you coughed up the first petals."

Tony grimaced. "That would have been a fun conversation. Hi Bruce, I know you don't love me, but I want you to feel really guilty about that because my unrequited love is probably going to kill me."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Had you called me, I might have come home to _my _Tony, the energetic ball of fluff that pokes me with taser sticks. Instead… you're a bit of a mess, huh?"

Tony snorted out a laugh. "Ball of fluff? I think you're confusing me with someone else, Jolly Green."

"I notice you didn't deny the energetic, or the bit of a mess."

"When you're right, you're right."

Bruce reached out and stroked a hand through Tony's hair, tugging at the ends of the strands gently.

"You know, when I first became the Hulk… I ran away. From everything, really, but I ran away and hid behind barriers and self built walls, because I thought that nobody would ever accept me again."

Tony opened his mouth to interrupt, but Bruce tugged his hair again to silence him.

"And then Natasha came and said Fury needed my help. I had my doubts, you know? I didn't really want to come in, but I did, and I've never regretted it since, because for the first time in a really long time, I found someone who accepted me, _all of me, _moreso even than I'd accepted myself."

Tony didn't even try and speak this time. He was trying (and failing) to tamp down the hope that was building in his chest.

Bruce caressed his cheek softly. "How could I not love you, Tony Stark? Just the idea of not loving you… it's impossible to fathom."

Tony's eyes widened, and he scrambled to sit up, closer to Bruce. Swaying slightly, but sobering with every passing second, he gripped tightly onto Bruce's shirt.

"You love me? You mean it?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Of course I mean it. I've loved you since the moment you woke up to the Hulk's roar on that first battle. And… he loves you too you know? You're his favourite."

Smiling smugly, Tony said, "Of course I am."

Shaking his head, Bruce smiled and leant forward to press a chaste kiss to Tony's lips. "Idiot. Come on, let's get you to bed."

"You'll stay?"

"I'll stay," Bruce promised. "For as long as you'll have me."

…

Tony woke up from a deep sleep with a headache and a wave of nausea already encompassing him.

And yet…

He turned his head to the side and saw Bruce already awake, watching him with a small smile playing on his lips.

Tony felt the urge to cough and didn't deny it, even when it made his head pound. When he pulled his hand away from his lips, there were no petals waiting for him.

"I love you," he murmured, tucking his head beneath Bruce's chin.

"I love you too."

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**Written for: **

Disney - S6. Write about a team.

Amber's Attic - 4. Someone with a lot of energy.

Archive - 1. Bewitching

Basement - 6. "It is so important that you do not finish that sentence."

Marvel - 16. "Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing."

Lyric - 5. I hope you have fun.

Funfair, North - Wreath Making - Base - Ivy - "You're not supposed to be here."

Funfair, East - Snow Art - Red: "There's no way I'm getting out of this one, is there." / Blue: Clueless / Purple: Reckless

Funfair, South - Christmas Card - 33. Champagne Bottle with New Year Wishes - Purple

Galleon - Fresh

Sticker - Potion Cabinet - 1. Veritaserum - Being made to tell the truth.

365\. 289. Exhibit


End file.
